Last month I received two comments about long-distance caregiving, a situation that is all too common and always challenging. Care giving is sometimes a complicated task, and any difficulty can become magnified by the sense and reality of your being far away.
Caregivers who reside at a distance from their loved ones often experience feelings of anxiety, lack of control and guilt. My best advice is to plan ahead. Familiarize yourself with services in your loved one's area, or call a care manager and have that person begin visiting your loved before a crisis occurs. If you haven't planned ahead, don't feel bad we're all human.
What you can do now is get to work on your own or call in that care manager. How will a care manager quickly step in when you live at a distance? A care manager can listen carefully, make the necessary contacts and develop a plan (within days, if necessary) following your and your loved ones; dictates on quality of life and practical considerations.
Be the eyes that you cannot be, simply because you are not there. Advise as to when it is necessary for you to come in person. Coordinate care in the home or placement in a long-term care facility, communicating with medical and nursing staff, neighbors and friends, and keeping you informed.
Escort your loved one to a doctor, an emergency room or provide companionship and solace through a hospital stay if necessary, acting as a liaison between medical professionals, you and your loved one. Consult in the home or facility, providing oversight of caregivers as well as human contact and caring to your loved one.
Help your loved one acknowledges the implications of what has happened, and provide a necessary empathetic ear. This might be as simple as saying the words, yes, you are in pain now, and it is understandable to be frightened (or sad, or angry); and to offer help and hope, by letting your loved one know that he or she will have help for as long as it is needed.
In short, the care manager's role is to assist both the loved one and those far away in coming to terms with the changes taking place, by caringly and professionally assessing the situation, and quickly responding to any needs.
When the crisis has passed, it is time for fine-tuning, which can be done by the day, and in the weeks to come. When everyone has a chance to catch their breath, it is time for the long-term care planning. A final thought: coming to grips with the changing nature of our lives and the lives of those we love is a challenge.
But in reality, the only thing we can count on is change. So here are two questions I think will be helpful for you to ponder: How have you handled change in the past? And how would you like to handle change? A care manager with mental health expertise or a mental health therapist can be helpful if you are struggling with these questions. With a better understanding of ourselves, we can more easily roll with life's punches.
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