Sooner or later we end up with aging parents. And with that comes an entire array of problems we need to deal with. We'll probably need to provide some type of assistance on a regular basis, whether we live nearby or not. It could be finding them a housekeeper, or making sure they get to doctor appointments on time.
Frequently it gets to the point that much more than temporary and occasional help is necessary. If your parent has a terminal or progressive condition that mandates round the clock care, what options are available? To everyone involved? What if you're an only child, or the only child in the family who can provide this type of help?
Blood might be thicker than water, but not all children are willing or able to step up and provide this level of care. If you're married with your own family, this also needs to be taken into consideration. Your entire family needs to be on board with this idea. Even with one dissenter, there will be serious problems. Yes, it's true: not everyone always wants grandma to move in. Your kids may not want to give up their family room to turn it into a bedroom.
Will the family all have responsibilities? No one can be there all day long. Not everyone wants to readjust their life permanently if it means a major sacrifice.
Besides the major issue of having someone move in, what are some of the other considerations to be aware of and discussed? Is she bedridden? Does she have convulsions, need special medication, special food, or help getting to the bathroom? What if she's incontinent? Who changes her and the sheets?
Everyone needs to be on the same page here. Even though it's your parent, you can't possibly be expected to be there 24 hours a day. You need help. Will your spouse help you? Normally, wives have enough to do. They don't want the additional burden of caring for someone else. When someone gets to the point that they are unable to live by themselves, this is a huge amount of work when they move in. Cooking, cleaning, medications, bathing, and even the additional expense can be more than some families can deal with.
Be proactive. Long before your parents reach old age, have honest discussions about what they expect and how these expectations might be met. They might just assume that their kids will take care of them when the time comes, no matter what. It might be a shock and disappointment to learn that other options might need to be discussed when the time comes.
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