Only when people questioned me as to what I searched for did it ever occur to me that I had no search of any kind going on within me, the very idea 'to search' seemed alien, strange. Why search?
All searching is further avoidance from the raw facts of our life which confront us relentlessly. To search and thereby avoid these realities is a mental disorder disconnecting us from our actual existence. It is this cunning avoidance from reality that is the cause of all personal confusion, self-deceit and internal contradictions.
To give up all search, all avoidance and denial, totally and completely is a requisite for confusion, deceit and misery to end, allowing what is real (how it feels to be you) to challenge whatever idea you have of yourself. This meeting of the real and the ideal (the unreal) ultimately leaves you free of your ideas of yourself, and accepting of, what is really you.
It is the impact of this that is the impetus for all change. Change itself is physiological and requires the tremendous energy of physical sensation in order to occur.
Such a change is the sensational purging of the entire pattern of distortion which thinking has furrowed into the living tissue of the body. It is a natural and organic corrective event.
Thinking as an attempt to understand or affect the course of this event is ludicrous, for thinking is a far too minor and shallow part of this whole activity. Just as healthy thinking is the result and expression of healthy physical condition, so to, unhealthy thinking is only one of the various symptoms, resulting from the unhealthy condition of distorted physical memory patterns, present in the body as stress, trauma, chronic pain or illness.
The variety of feelings and sensations that go on endlessly within, is the living organism taking care of itself. These have continual and massive psychophysical impact - the impact of correcting the distorting or damaging effects, of your life experiences, along the way.
Our ignorance to the significance of this constant activity within us promotes the reactionary activity of thought, to judge, to avoid and to seek out abstract alternatives to living with these feelings, in the felt sense of one's life as it is.
Through thinking, we lose all sense of ourself.
Living your life can never be fulfilling through the medium of thought alone. Your life can only be known about or described through thought and to know is shallow, empty, without feeling or substance.
The substance of our existence, being the living tissue that we are, is naturally where the fullness of being alive is felt.
Thought and the byproduct of thought, emotion, are the very structure of the various forms of distress we create for ourselves. The primary reason for such distress is that through the continuance and speed of thinking we lose all sense of ourselves in and as the living tissue. This renders us numb, deadened to the vibrancy of living.
Once this occurs we continue to live on, lost in the momentum of thought and its byproduct of emotions and stories about ourselves. These thought descriptions of ourself, we believe to be ourselves.
The very root of all distress is; thought being allowed to take on a separate path of its own, at such a pace, that it leaves you oblivious to yourself as you truly are, and numb to your basic needs as a living creature.
Your thoughts are not even your own. You only know - what you have been and are told - to think. Therefore you remain underdeveloped, incomplete and unfulfilled.
This essentially is each individuals sorrow. Each individual is oblivious to the unique person they are and live on according to collective attitudes and thinking, unaware of their obedience to societies devastating influence, on the individual. This is the cause of an underlying sadness throughout our race.
To the degree you remain unaffected by the beliefs , opinions and impositions of authority figures throughout your life,(in short-not brainwashed) to that degree you are able to be yourself, if you are lucky.
If not interfered with by others thinking, which becomes your own thinking, nature which the body is, automatically unfolds, from within itself, it's very own uniqueness, and you can then live complete and as you are, regardless of external circumstance.
But society and its thinking is keeping each potential individual collective, thereby preventing the maturing or completion of each and every one.
Meditation is doubting all such imposed self-images, to make way for the living tissue that you are, to express and live according to your own unique nature, whatever that may turn out to be.
Matthew Meinck is an original thinker, an explorative ground-breaking natural health practitioner and educator, published author, meditation mentor, problem solver. New books by Matthew Meinck will be available online in 2012