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The Answer Is Still No

Being a Licensed Massage Therapist does have a few drawbacks. For instance, the following questions are frequently asked of me despite my best efforts:

  • Do you do erotic massage?
  • Does your massage have a "happy ending"?

  • Is this a sensual massage?

  • Do you offer prostate massage?

  • Do you offer hand release, or full release?

  • Can I get a "rub 'n' tug"?

  • Do you do lite touch?

  • How about Tantric massage?

  • Can I get a "man to man" massage?

  • The answer to all of these questions, and questions like them, is NO. Yet, there are a number of persistant souls that continue to press the issue. They make certain statements, and they ask still other questions:

  • I'm not a cop, can you make an exception if I give you a gooood tip?

  • C'mon, what if I became a really regular customer?

  • Why don't you do that? My therapist at home did it for me all the time.

  • My friend the doctor said I needed to have it done, so can you do it?

  • Who would know? I'm not gonna tell anybody.

  • The answer is still no. It's always going to be no. Still, people continue to ask me why I say no. I thought it was obvious, but I guess obvious isn't good enough. Here goes....


    It doesn't matter what you call it. By "full release" you mean sex. By "hand release" you mean sex. By "sensual massage", "lite touch" or "erotic massage" you mean sex. Sex for money is illegal. I value my license and WILL NOT jeopardize it for a few dollars, nor a few hundred, or whatever you had in mind.


  • You don't have a friend that's a doctor, so you weren't told to get prostate massage.

  • Even if you did have a friend that's a doctor, you weren't told that or you would have a written prescription - you don't. Even if you did it wouldn't matter because;

  • If your doctor wanted you to have it, he/she would have a nurse or medical assistant do it in the medical office and charge your insurance (a lot).

  • I doubt you had a massage therapist at home, but if you did....and they did....that's prostitution not massage therapy. That means they're a prostitute not a massage therapist and you know what that makes you.

  • Yes, massage can be "sensual" without being sexual, but that's not what you meant.

  • Yes, a massage can use "lite" pressure legally, but that's not what you asked for and not what you meant and you know it.

  • I would know and you would blab, you're that type of person. The answer is no.

  • It doesn't matter how old Tantra is, contact with your genitals is not legal. No. And.....most people offering that type of "Tantric massage" have absolutely no idea what Tantra really is and what it's for....No.

  • You're not smart enough nor charming enough to get me to do it so stop asking. The answer is no.

  • You don't have enough money to make me risk my license. You're not ever going to have that much money. No.

  • The answer is still no and will continue to be no. Just think of that credit card commercial with David Spade - NO


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